Divine Intervention

Second Attempt!

xtranormal.com

Ever heard of xtranormal.com?

It's been around a while, I guess. But I just found it, so this is newsworthy.

Basically, you pick out a scene and characters, plug in your dialogue, throw in a few limited gestures and hit render. It has a maximum of two characters at the moment, and the computer voices forced me to spell a lot of the script out phonetically, but it's still a really fun site.

Here is my first attempt.



Here's the script, in case those robots made any of it difficult to understand.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Two guys finish an argument about Aquaman.

GUY 1

Yeah, but Submariner was just a lame ripoff of Aquaman, and Aquaman was already the lamest superhero ever.

GUY 2

No way. Aquaman was awesome.

GUY 1

Yes way. Think about it. His superpowers were breathing underwater and talking to fish. The same powers bestowed upon every fish in the ocean.

GUY 2

There was more to him than that. He had super strength.

GUY 1

Yeah, so do I (beat) underwater.

The following scene was not created by me, but it's by far the funniest scene I have found on the site.

Pie Time!

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

JESSE closes up the oven and turns to PATRICK who is halfway through a load of dishes.

JESSE

I'm gonna hop in the shower really quick. If I'm not back before the timer goes off on these pies...

PATRICK

(interrupting)

...you want me to call the police?

JESSE

No, I want you to turn this down to 350.

PATRICK

Got it.

RIP: Dan O'Bannon

Dan O'Bannon, screenwriter of Alien, Heavy Metal, and Total Recall, has passed away from an undisclosed illness at the age of 63. Sad news for sci-fi fans and filmmakers alike.

I recently did a breakdown of Dan's Alien script as a part of my aborted attempt at Scott Myers's 14 Scripts in 14 Days challenge. I will miss the universes he created and also his talent for making up technical jargon that sounds completely reasonable and unforced.

Rest in Peace

More results!

More results are in! The Kid in the Front Row has announced the winner for Best Screenplay in his first annual screenwriting festival, and the honor goes to "Hypo-Whatever" which can be found below! The Kid will be announcing winners for Funniest and Most Original Screenplay shortly but for now patience is in order.

Sorry I haven't been walking the (beat) lately. Work has been pretty hectic, but winter hiatus starts tomorrow so you can look forward to an increase in activity soon!

Awards lost and won!

The results are in. The top three scripts from Julie Gray's One-page Challenge have been posted. Unfortunately, "Ragtime Christmas" is no longer in contention, but my money's on K.G. MadMan to take this thing home. The others were good scenes, but check out MadMan's "MEGA-CHRISTMAS"... He's got it in the bag:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE - NIGHT

The city sleeps peacefully. But somewhere in the distance a low hum becomes a RUMBLE. The buildings shake.

A skyscraper crumbles. Voices cry out in terror.

ROOFTOP

SANTA CLAUS (60’s) stumbles as the building wobbles beneath him. He checks his watch: 01:24 AM - DECEMBER 25, 2012.

SANTA

God damn Aztec calendar.

He tosses his cup of eggnog. WHISTLES.

EIGHT REINDEER swoop down from the sky pulling a magnificent red sled. They land on the edge of the roof as Santa DIVES into the driver’s seat.

Santa checks the backseat. A sack full of toys. Considers its weight. Tosses it off the roof and into the crumbling foundation of another building. Somewhere a lucky child catches that choo-choo he wanted while falling to his death.

LUCKY CHILD

Thanks SantAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Santa grips the reigns as a fissure TEARS THROUGH THE BUILDING! FIRE BURSTS FROM THE CHIMNEY STACK!

SANTA

Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder! On, Felicity!

The reindeer LUNGE FORWARD.

THE CRUMBLING SKYLINE

Santa jerks the reigns, pulling the sleigh HARD RIGHT--

--KABOOM! The CHRYSLER BUILDING barely misses his sleigh as

it SMASHES INTO TIMES SQUARE!

He jerks the reigns HARD LEFT and--

--HOLY SHIT! THERE GOES SOME MONUMENT!

Santa laughs, calling out to the crumbling city...

SANTA (CONT’D)

The North Pole is now Wisconsin!

So yeah... total win.

The silver lining here is that Tina over at The Clean White Page has decided to bestow upon this very blog the coveted Santa Claus award! Thanks much Tina!


In keeping with the pay-it-forward-esque tradition of the honor, I am required (by law I imagine) to pass it on to five worthy blogs... and without further ado...

Jesse Bayliss, The Steampunk Home, Kim Nunley, Frederator Studios

and last but certainly not least...

K.G. MadMan

Congrats to all and Happy Holidays!

Ragtime Christmas

This week's challenge comes from none other than the Script Department's Julie Gray by way of her blog Just Effing Entertain Me.

Our prompt: Use the words "Aztec" "eggnog" and "felicity" in the context of a 1-page Christmas script.

Seeing as how I had already included a lot of eggnog talk in my most recent contest submission, I decided this would be a sequel of sorts to that short.

Here goes...

INT. LIVING ROOM - CHRISTMAS MORNING

MIKE, 27 with a burgeoning paunch, takes conservative sips of his eggnog while his brother HANK, 29, and Hank's fiance ANNA, also 29, wrestle wrapping paper from the harmless claws of GOZER, a two month-old kitten.

They are seated in a small triangle, each point fortified with a pile of gifts.

ANNA

We're going clockwise, right?

MIKE

Hank's turn! (beat) I think you'll like this one.

HANK

Hm, this looks a lot like a record.

ANNA

No way! Really?

HANK

Did you seriously find Felicity Rag on vinyl?

MIKE

Guess you'll have to open it.

ANNA

Where did you find it? I looked everywhere!

Hank gently untapes the wrapping paper from the gift.

HANK

Oh... it's a calendar... for 2013...

Hank opens the calendar.

HANK

...and it's completely blank.

MIKE

It's an Aztec calendar, get it?

HANK

Is this because I faked hypoglycemia to steal your eggnog last year?

Gozer sneezes.

Hypo-Whatever by Patrick O'Riley

The following is my entry to The Kid in the Front Row's 2009 Online Screenwriting Festival.

Our Prompt:

* Your script must be no more than 5 pages long (6 including the cover page)
* The entire film is set in one place - the kitchen.
* You must use industry standard formatting.
* There are three characters: Anna, Mike and Hank.
* Anna wants something from Mike, but there's no way Mike is giving it away.

INT. KITCHEN - AFTERNOON

MIKE, 26 and barely overweight according to his WiiFit, starts working his way through a load of dirty dishes.

Just as Mike turns around, HANK, 28 and slimmer but clearly related, enters wearing a marathon bib and drenched in sweat.

Hank plops down onto a bar stool at the kitchen counter. He looks a bit under the weather.

MIKE

Hey, man! What was your time?

HANK

I think I hit the finish line at around five and a half hours.

MIKE

Wow. So you shaved like an hour off from last year.

HANK

(nonchalant)

An hour and fifteen minutes.

MIKE

Nice, man! You feeling okay? Were you gonna take a shower? I can hold off on this stuff.

Mike motions to the sink full of crusty dishes and silverware.

HANK

Anna has dibs on first shower.

MIKE

What was her time?

Hank now looks nauseous.

HANK

Actually, she beat me.

MIKE

So the world may never know.

ANNA, 28 and athletic looking, enters similarly sweaty.

ANNA

Shut up, Mike.

MIKE

You shut up.

Anna kisses Hank.

ANNA

(to HANK)

You feeling better, sweetie?

HANK

A little. Can we turn on the AC?

Mike looks confused.

MIKE

It's on full blast.

ANNA

Can you seriously not feel that?

Hank begins shaking.

HANK

I think I'm gonna pass out.

Hank leans back on the stool and Anna catches him. His eyes roll back in his head. Anna is already panicking.

ANNA

Sweetie?! Oh my god!

MIKE

Hank, what's wrong?! HANK!

ANNA

I think he's going into hypoglycemic shock! Quick find something with sugar in it!

MIKE

What are you talking about? Hank doesn't have hypo-whatever!

ANNA

No, he does! We just found out! Like a month ago.

Anna holds Hank up while Mike frantically scours the kitchen for glucose.

Mike checks the sugar dispenser, which is empty.

ANNA

What about syrup? Like maple syrup or something?

MIKE

I think we killed the syrup with yesterday's pancakes.

ANNA

Well, what else has sugar? Do you have any soda?

Mike shuffles through the fridge.

MIKE

It's all diet.

ANNA

(to HANK)

Hang in there, sweetie. We'll find somethin'.

Mike notices a half carton of eggnog. He reacts with dread. He looks back to Anna and then pushes the carton deep into the fridge, hiding it.

Hank mumbles something in Anna's ear.

ANNA

What?

HANK

(mumbling louder)

Eggnog...

ANNA

Hank, it's February. Nobody has eggnog.

HANK

(mumbling softer)

Mike does...

Anna and Mike lock eyes.

ANNA

Mike, do you have any eggnog?

HANK

(mumbling)

Mikey always has eggnog...

MIKE

(nervously)

Are you kidding? It's February.

ANNA

(losing her patience)

Do you?

Mike hangs his head in defeat.

ANNA

C'mon Mike! This isn't a game! Your brother could be going into a coma! Do you have any eggnog or don't you?

MIKE

(reluctantly)

Yes. (beat) But are you sure it'll help? I mean, this is literally the last carton of the season! I had to hit up six grocery stores for it! I drove 35 miles out of town!

Mike is tearing up.

ANNA

If you don't hand over that eggnog now, your brother may die. Give me the god damned eggnog, Mike.

Mike pours a half a glass of eggnog for his brother.

ANNA

(shouting)

FILL THE GLASS!

Mike fills the glass and brings it to Hank's lips. Hank's hands move in slowly to take the glass.

ANNA

There you go, sweetie. Drink up!

Hank starts to sit up on the stool and Anna takes a step away.

Mike watches nervously to see if his brother's condition gets any better.

Suddenly, from over Mike's shoulder, Anna speaks.

ANNA

Wow, this is pretty good.

Mike turns to see she is drinking from another glass! The last of his eggnog!

MIKE

What are you doing? Why would you drink my eggnog? They won't have it in stores again til December! (beat) And what if Hank needs a second glass? Now we don't have anymore sugar!

Suddenly, Hank is impossibly healthy and responds to Anna as if Mike isn't even there.

HANK

(to ANNA)

See? I can't believe you've never had eggnog before.

MIKE

Are you kidding me? You're not even hypo-whatever, are you?

HANK

Thanks for the nog, man. I'm gonna hit the shower.

Hank walks away. Anna follows him out.

ANNA

I had dibs!

Mike is dumbfounded.